you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
