On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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