I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You smell like stripper and shame
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
