I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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