i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Randomize
