I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
