The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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