ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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