What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
