Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
