I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
