fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I fill condoms, not promises.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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