she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
