I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
