I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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