some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Enjoy the penises
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
