The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
