i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
