I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
