just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
