I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
