11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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