Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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