a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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