I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
