i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
