bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
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