I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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