threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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