Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
