he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
