You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
