It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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