i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
