In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
