Having a random hookup so left but love u
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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