my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
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