I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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