You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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