she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
