The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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