There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
