she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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