she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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