he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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