So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
