His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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