and she was petting her beer can
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
