god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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