Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
