the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
